Even if you’re trying, it’s still a shock to find out you’re pregnant.

You’re pregnant, now what?

This can be a pretty silent time for many couples for a myriad of reasons:

It may be your first pregnancy and you don’t know what to do or who to call. You’re so excited (or not) but no one talks about those first weeks let alone the first three months, who can I speak to?

It may be your second or third pregnancy after loss (or multiple losses) and you’re anxious, excited, scared, don’t get too excited, how do I tell my partner, is everything ok, here we go again…

It may be your fourth pregnancy and is unexpected…

I’ll start off with my experience. Now I must mention that my husband and I were extremely lucky on our journey to fertility. We had our ups and downs, but nothing to complain about. This is a personal experience that bought up other issues for us like; lack of knowledge surrounding falling pregnant, no idea about my cycle, those first three months of pregnancy, issues around medical advice and miscarriage.

My husband and I had been trying since before we got married. My GP had said if you guys are ready, there is no harm in trying especially considering I was nearing 34. So we did.

Month one: We just dipped our toes in the water. Nothing timed or planned but stopped the withdrawal method. I stopped drinking. Not pregnant.

Month two: I went out and bought OPKs to see if my app coincided with my actual ovulation. It didn’t. We had sex every day for 5 days. Still not drinking. Not pregnant.

Month three: My cycle went haywire! For some reason this cycle was 17days. Still not drinking. Not pregnant.

Month four: I went to my GP to discuss my short cycle and was told “not to worry, sometimes we have an anovulatory cycle which can cause cycle disruption”. Okay, so no real answer. I was stressed, “why was this happening now?”. I went and got a massage from my local beauty therapist to try and relax. She decided to cup my ankles… Ladies I didn’t know but do not have anyone (unless they are medically treating fertility), massage, cup, needle or do anything to your ankles. This massage therapist accidentally cupped my SP6 acupressure point which completely f*cked with my cycle. I didn’t get my period this cycle, just spotting for ~15days. Back to my GP, she wasn’t available so I went to her associate. I explained the situation. She told me to lose weight… I am in a healthy weight range and a healthy BMI. I left crying. This month we tried “sperm meets egg plan” anyway. Booked in to see a well-known acupuncturist on a weekly rotation. Went and saw a fertility specialist associated with Genea. Still not drinking. Not pregnant.

Month five: Stressed out of my mind my partner grew concerned. Weekly acupuncture underway, daily Chinese herbs, on a clean eating diet plan and drinking 2L of water a day. I was taking out a lot of my frustration on my partner and he was kind of over it (duh!). This month (to relieve some stress) we tried the “every second day” for 2 weeks after my period finished. We decided we wanted to freeze some eggs for either future use or immediate, and so we began the deep dive into the IVF process. Still not drinking. Not pregnant.

Month six: We got married! I was ovulating around our wedding day so we just let it roll and were trying around a few days before and a few days after. Weekly acupuncture and daily Chinese herbs well underway. Had a few drinks at our wedding and over Christmas. Booked in all the IVF appointments to begin a cycle. Not pregnant.

Month seven: I woke up on cycle day 6 and did my OPK test, full-blown blaring positive. Day 6!? My acupuncturist said women don’t fall pregnant who ovulate before cycle day 9. Great… My Chinese herbs had run out and I had not seen my acupuncturist due to the Christmas holidays. We managed to have only sex twice this round. Pregnant. Cancelled the IVF round a week before I was taking the meds.

I WAS SHOCKED. How? When? Why this time? Did I ovulate too early? I had lots of drinks over Christmas!! I ATE OYSTERS!!!

Now what? I called my already pregnant sister, no answer. I called my best friend, she answered. We were both losing it. “Is this a line, isn’t it a line?”, “it’s a line, you’re pregnant!”. Woke my husband up, he jumped out of bed when I told him. Called my mum, “I’m pregnant!!”, “oh thank god! Just don’t get too excited Julia”…

Don't get too excited? Don’t get too excited.

It’s a really sensitive time. You are usually so wrapped up in your fertility bubble and not really thinking about anyone else. Your main focus is just getting pregnant. Then you do get pregnant and other people are sensitive to it. Why? Well, they’ve all had their own journey. Some good, some not so good, and some are really heartbreaking.

It struck me that many women and men walk around, every day, containing either excitement, heartache, anger or fear associated with fertility. Personally, the worst part of it is so many of us didn’t or don’t speak about it, we contain it. For me, I wanted to tell those closest to us to share our excitement but to also have support there in case something did go wrong. I couldn’t imagine going through something in silence. But we told a few more people and their reactions were kind of all the same, “oh I made the mistake of telling people too early”, “don’t get too excited”, “1 in 4 people miscarriage, maybe hold off on breaking the news”… and the worst… “How do you know your pregnancy is still progressing at such an early stage?”.

I was heartbroken. I was so elated to be pregnant, only to be so slapped off that high in the first 4 weeks of pregnancy.

I get it, it’s a sensitive topic, but I was also really disheartened that those people couldn’t see the flip side. I was aware of all the stats. “1 in 4”, “before 6 weeks”, “heartbeat after 8 weeks”, “only after 13 weeks” etc. So, I allowed myself to get all shitty, and upset, and angry. Then, I moved on and told who I wanted whilst being very conscious of how I told people, just in case they were going through something silently.

So, 4 weeks. Okay, I was told by my GP (when I found out at 2 weeks and called her) to wait until I missed my period, then make an appointment for a blood test to read my HCG level to confirm the pregnancy. I went in, she congratulated me, took my blood pressure, gave me some pamphlets, wrote some notes around my last menstrual period (LMP), then reminded me that there is a chance, a 1 in 4, that you will miscarry. If I begin bleeding to give her a call, if it’s heavy to wait it out at home if I’m before 6 weeks… Wait a minute… 6 weeks is 2 weeks away. Errr, when do I see you next Doc?

AT 15/16 WEEKS!!! LOL, what!?

Yeah, you’re kind of on your own until the pregnancy is considered viable, “13 weeks”. Now I must say, this is because I’m going public, not private. When you’re a private patient you can see an OBGYN from 6-8 weeks.

With public, you can book into shared care or midwifery group practice (if your catchment hospital provides it) in the interim. You’ll have a scan to confirm a heartbeat at around 8 weeks if you’d like or you can wait until your NIPT test or if you opt-out of a NIPT, a 12 weeks scan. Opting for a NIPT blood test to screen for chromosome anomalies, they usually do a quick scan to confirm the fetus is over 10 weeks gestation then take a blood sample for testing. Then an NT scan at around 13 weeks. Then you can see your doctor again around 15 weeks in conjunction with a midwife if you opt for share care.

It’s an odd time, well at least for me it was. A really great resource to help guide you through pregnancy or loss is the Pregnancy, birth and baby website, recommended by most GPs.

In December 2018, the Australian Government announced an investment of $7.2 million to help reduce the rate of stillbirth in Australia. This will be achieved through education and awareness programs for women and medical practitioners, research to minimise preventable stillbirth through the use of biomarkers and ultrasound in late pregnancy and stillbirth research through the Medical Research Future Fund.

If you have a story or experience you'd like to share, please reach out! You can remain anonymous or stamp your name all over it. Your experience will help someone else, I can guarantee it.