Supporting Children After a Distressing Community Event: A Gentle Guide for Parents & Caregivers

When something frightening happens in a community, even if we aren’t there ourselves, its impact ripples outward. Parents may find themselves feeling unsettled or overwhelmed while also trying to respond to their children’s questions, emotions, and behaviours.

Children don’t need perfect explanations. They need connection, safety, and a regulated adult to lean into.

This guide brings together evidence-informed principles from UNICEF, the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN), Brown Health, and my training as a Circle of Security Parenting™ facilitator, to support families navigating conversations after a distressing event.

This is not clinical advice, it is a gentle framework to help you anchor yourself and your child during a difficult time.

Begin With Connection, Not Correction

One of the core principles of Circle of Security is that “being with” your child’s emotional experience is the foundation of safety.

Before offering explanations or reassurance, start by simply staying close, physically or emotionally.

You might say: “I can see this feels big for you. I’m right here.”

Children regulate through us before they regulate through information.

Listen First: “What Have You Heard?”

Children often fill in gaps with their own imagination, which can be far scarier than the truth.

Start with gentle curiosity:

“Have you heard anything about what happened?”
“How are you feeling today?”

This allows you to meet them where they truly are.

Speak Simply and Honestly

Circle of Security reminds us that children need truth within the safety of relationship.

They don’t need every detail, but they do need clarity that feels solid and trustworthy.

You might offer:“Something upsetting happened in our community. You’re safe here with me.”

Avoid vague reassurance like, “Don’t worry about it,” which can make children feel more alone with their concerns.

Validate Their Feelings

Whether a child feels scared, confused, angry, or unfazed, all feelings are welcome.

From a COS lens, this is the heart of secure attachment:“Your feelings aren’t too big for me. I can handle them, and I can handle you.”

Validation reduces anxiety and invites emotional regulation.

If Your Child Needs Time Away From School

Some children settle best through routine. Others need time, proximity, or slower days to feel safe again.

It’s okay to pause.

Children often benefit from:
• being close to their caregivers
• quiet, predictable moments
• space to ask questions on their own timeline
• time for their nervous system to recalibrate

There is no “right” response, only the response that honours your child’s needs today.

Reassure Them Through What You Can Control

Instead of promising outcomes, focus on what is being done now to keep people safe and supported.

Children feel safer when adults communicate:

• “Here’s what we’re doing today.”
• “Here’s how we keep each other safe in our home.”
• “Here’s who is helping right now.”

In Circle of Security language, this is being the bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind presence your child can rely on.

Reduce Exposure to Media

Graphic or repeated news footage can amplify distress, even if children only overhear it in the background.

Limiting media exposure:
• protects their emotional landscape
• prevents reactivation
• keeps the adult-child relationship as the primary source of meaning-making

Children need us, not the news, to help them understand the world.

Maintain Routines Where You Can

Predictability supports nervous-system recovery.

Simple rhythms, meals, play, bedtime rituals, outdoor time, send the message:
“Life still has structure. You can depend on me.”

Routines don’t erase fear; they provide a container for it.

Notice Your Own Inner World

One of the most powerful COS teachings is this: “When you’re able to regulate, your child can settle within your regulation.”

If you’re feeling shaken or overwhelmed, that’s human.

Seek support. Reach out to friends. Take small grounding moments for yourself.

Your steadiness, even imperfect steadiness, is what your child needs most.

Lean Into Community Care

Healing happens in connection.

If you’re looking for a supportive space to rest your nervous system, R.A.R.E (use code SUPPORT at checkout) and Bondi Wellness Studio is currently offering free yoga and breathwork classes to help the community ground and recalibrate.

These spaces are gentle, inclusive, and open to all.

A Note on Community Sensitivity

Bondi is home to many cultures.This event may have activated deep layers of grief, fear, or historical trauma for different families.

Wherever you stand, whatever your history, whatever this moment has brought up for you or your children, your experience is valid, and you deserve support.

Let’s continue checking in on one another.
Let’s be gentle in our conversations.
Let’s create more softness than harm.

Sources Used to Compile This Guide

• UNICEF: How to Talk to Children About Conflict and War
• National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN): Talking to Children About War
• Brown Health: Talking to Children About War and Conflict
• Circle of Security Parenting™ principles relating to emotional attunement, co-regulation, and secure attachment

Each provided research-informed principles for supporting children after distressing or violent events.